Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
