I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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