I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
