finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
