Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
