There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
