we're blogging at a bar
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
