DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
