He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
