I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
