I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
