Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
