what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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