I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
