what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
