Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
