I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize