Apparently you make a good broom.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
