I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize