"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
