I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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