Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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