Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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