On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
