Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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