Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
