Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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