carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
