i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
did you just send me my own nude
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
