I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
