I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
