Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think my moral compass just broke
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