I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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