There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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