i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
