a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
