remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
