My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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