So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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