he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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