My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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