ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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