he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
