I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
