I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
