if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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