he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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