This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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