I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
