I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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