It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
