Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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