I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
