I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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