Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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