did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I CAN MOONWALK!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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