My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
