Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
