Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
