Don't EVER smell your tampon
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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