We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
