Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
