Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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