you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
