and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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