Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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