i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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