He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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