Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
