his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize