Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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