forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize