He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
