My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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