i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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