I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
