she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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