I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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