I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
