We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
