It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
