how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
