I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize