There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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