trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
