News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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