Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
