Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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