At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
