Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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