A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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