I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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