Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
