I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize