LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
