Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
