the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
