The maid of honor just puked.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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