It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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