dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
