road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize