so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
