I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize