Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
