I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
