we have officially lost it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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