I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
