i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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