I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
