Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
