I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
