I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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