miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize