I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
