she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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